B… There goes 4 days

B… There goes 4 days and I would like some more days off… I have been stuck indoors with a bad back and in pain… bah so not done anything…. been anywhere… and feel so tired!


How can doing nothing make you tired… There was so much I wanted to do.. I wanted to get out into the back garden yard bit here and sort that out… but we had rain!   Lots of cooking and bbq but we had rain … it seems everything I want to do the opp happens… grrr… what is happening with this law of attraction lately.


I need to be thinking more on the I will look great slim, not when will I lose weight or I hate being fat, etc


I was thinking of a detox for a week, but then was reading that it can effect or is it affect oh too late to think … which is the right spelling this time of night… anyway I was reading that it can what your medication and seeing that I take a lot for my head… do I want to risk it… I will need to speak to a dr first.  If these tabs are not taken or something goes wrong and I have an attack.. oh I can’t tell you how I feel.. well I can but I am not sure it is something I want to admit to myself again.

Spoken to my godmother again… and missing my lets say N…. two weeks gone and I had a dream about her.  she came to me and was young and dark haired, in a fifty’s style dress fitted top and cardi with a handbag.  Her hair was beautifully glossy brown and wavy shoulder length.  She held on to her bag so tight.  She sat on the bus with me and her neice and then was gone… but she was happy.  Been having some strange dreams lately.. but I guess that is to be expected.  coffins… sweets.. it is like saying goodbyes to all the things that should be put behind me so I can concentrate on the new me.  Does that make sense.

It was wonderful that N chose me to die with, do you think she did?  Do you think we can have some sort of choice?  Do you think this was all decided before we were born…. our lifes path?

You see I believe in the spiritual path, and I have my beliefs, and there are times that I think….yes? no?,, is? why? etc like all others in any relgion.  I don’t think I should question like I do so much, I think I should just go with what I believe and be stronger with it.  Are you like that with your religion?

I do feel that our paths are chosen before we are born, we know what they are, and that we do have choices, but the main part of it is mapped out.  There are people who will come into our lives to help us … some to hinder us… but those that hinder us maybe get us where we are suppose to be at the time or help us move forward with the lessons that are to be learnt.  am I making any sense?

Anyway it is getting late.  I feel I am rambling on and I am.. I know I am… maybe this is a good thing… a good thing for me to get everything out.  I hope I am okay tomorrow….. see now I should be thinking.. I am going to be fine tomorrow.  That is more positive isn’t it.

Did I say, when I get stressed my arm and hand comes up…. well it is looking rather nasty………I need to work more on my meditation.


Hope A is okay… and that she had a great time away…. night all xxx


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