B…..Another day

B….. Another day

Yes it rained again.. and i didn’t want to get up.. well I did in the night.. yep had to go in the spare room to sleep on the other bed as that one is better that ours.  Think my OH is getting a complex as to why I am not sleeping in our room.  He doesn’t seem to get the fact that it is the mattress.

So.. what sort of day have I had… rain.. yep said that… brother was going to give me a lift to the vet so that my little rabbit could have his operation today … guess what.. didn’t turn up.  Luckily my boss took me!  But after that we had a meeting and I looked like a drowned rat being in the rain.. bah!

Afternoon.. phone died… so spent the day on the internet chat talking to someone regarding my phone and they said … I would have to send it away… yep.. even my phone betrayed me and turned against me… how deflated …I couldn’t believe it.. it reminds me of my tablets… reminds me to get up etc….   Everything all day going wrong… on the way home…. ping… it works!  It is back lol

Got home… yep the usual…. dinner to cook… and then I fell asleep on the couch… and hey presto here it is now time for bed again! and I have terrible sore throat…. but I have an appointment for the drs tomorrow.  Yep a dr I don’t know and I don’t know if I should mention my weight now.

There are so many things I wanted to talk to my own dr about…

My weight… my depression as I am now being honest enough to admit that there is something wrong, sometimes just admitting it… that might be enough…my medication…the future needle in the back of my neck think.. my head thing… how would I get all this done in 10 minutes with a dr that doesn’t know me?

Oh now I see that I have written it again.. depression.. what a word… a word that can turn someone against you in a second… make someone look at you so differently in seconds… there are millions of reasons a person could be low… and am I labelled… does it matter or does it make me a better person to admit that something isn’t right… or am I right and the rest of the world is just darn cruel.

I am a sensitive soul this you will know by now… but so emotional all the time… I seem to go from one cold to another .. run down… when I am alone…the mask comes off and I don’t know who to feel like anymore. or is that my fault for trying to fit in with everyone else for so long and I just don’t know how to be me.

Oh don’t think I am an idiot in anyway… I am well educated and have a professional career… so it just goes to show that it doesn’t matter who you are.. there are times in your life that you just can’t take anymore.  When I mean that … it doesn’t mean I am going to kill myself.. I just want to be left alone most of the time … sleep wake and sleep…so that is where I know something isn’t right.  I would help others like this and direct them to their G.P…. so it is time to put my little world together.

Where do I want to go and what do I want…

  • (With tears again) I want my sister back… she passed away suddenly and I will never have that. I miss her like mad and want to talk to her.. tell her things… laugh with her…
  • lose weight
  • not have this head complaint
  • not have to be on medication for this head complaint
  • not cry so much
  • just be happy for a while or make others happy
  • not be told I am damaged
  • my friends to be healthy and happy

okay that is enough moaning for tonight… don’t think I should post this late in the evening!  Why am I watching a re run of Desperate Housewives lol

Sleep wel peeps!


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