B…Thinking of the past…

I am proud of myself….why I did some exercise.… so what you may be thinking.. but I got arse off the sofa our out of the kitchen etc and did some exercise even though I am not feeling well, it may have only been for 20 odd mins if that… I will upload a photo as proof.. proof I got off my lardy aching arse and tried something else today.  I have set myself 4 days a week and hopefully that will help me a little to get me motivated.

Earlier on I was thinking of my daughter and my sister and sat and cried… my daughter is busy with her life which is fair enough… but a Saturday and I am alone in a house with no one… and my sister I miss so much it is like someone has punched me over and over again…I would love to hear her voice… just once.. but I will never get that chance again.. never in my life time  and that alone hurts and makes me miserable.

I have to learn to stop feeling sorry for myself.. at my age it is stupid!  I will always miss her though and there will always be something in my heart that is missing and I will always want to reach for the phone to call her and have to stop myself.

A and I are chatting about the old times of romance…. what are they… when you have been married for so long.. where do they go?  Are they there just we don’t see them?  Are we so wrapped up in how we look that we don’t see them?  Do we worry about how we look so much that we don’t see they still love us?  Where does the sex go?  Does it always fade with everyone or only fat people?  But my OH isn’t fat… so maybe he just doens’t fancy me anymore… but I wasn’t tiny when I met him…. so what has changed… my outlook on my fatness?  Or what has been impressed on me over the years?

I was saying how it would be nice to feel that lust again… feel that rampant feeling you did when you first met… all of those of you have just met or can remember those day will be thinking back of those days now too!  For me they are a distant memory.

Interesting fact I heard today.. to change the subject but while I remember… each glass of wine.. as lovely as they are.. is the same calories as a chocolate elcair.. and to burn off the calories of one of those you would have to do jumping jacks for 6 hours… 6 hours I tell you… don’t think I could do it for 6 minutes or 6 seconds the way my back is at the moment…. so even though I don’t smoke or drink… I do fancy one of both at the moment!

Reason to be slim……..wear sexy underwear again!


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